If you were driving a car and weren’t sure exactly where you were going, kinda like maneuvering you’re way around the different streets until you get to where you think you should be (No, I am not referring to the sad accident I was involved in two weeks ago), you come face to face with a T-Junction.
Right- Everything you would need, a HUGE career boosting potential, a clean cut masterpiece on what an ideal future of yours should look like.
Left- A beautiful and delicious cake that just needs YOU on top to complete it.
So where to go? That is the question. Facebook! Duuuh!!
Updated my status with “T-Junction” and no further details. At first, no comments, since I usually say more in my statuses. A few hours later, an old friend commented with “Turn right. You won’t be wrong.” If only she knew how powerful her comment was to me and on which direction I would be turning.
You see, here’s the thing, at times we can be drastically fooled and at other times we can fool people just as bad. All really goes down on what your goal is and how serious are you in getting there. Sometimes, we want something so much, we get blinded and our vision to that path becomes blurred by stupidity and fakeness and lies. It takes a really strong person though to stand up and say “I’ve had enough, I can’t do this anymore”. Even though that could result in one enduring the utmost humiliation, disgrace and emotional turmoil, it is much better than seeing a deep dark hole and walking straight in it.
The past two weeks certainly brought out some REALLY REALLY REALLY unexpected chain of events. As much as I am dying to type every detail of everything that occurred, I would rather keep some curiosity lingering around and watch what suspense does to those who are itching to figure it all out. Sorry haters.
I say unexpected, because some were absolutely amazing and put more than just a smile on my face, but in my heart too. Others, caused so much pain that almost shadowed that happiness I felt at times.
One silly rabbit was my miracle of joy and my little ray of laughter, craziness and believe it or not morality. Thank you for the oh so wonderful days and nights and the magical farewell that I only saw in movies and wanted so much to happen for me. Maybe when you actually learn to fly a kite, we can try it again lol.
Yes, to you my silly rabbit, I dedicate this entry. Stay the powerful figure you are, you’ve certainly earned a place in my heart. Yup, it’s a situation.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
New Year, New Taste
Yes yes I know it’s been a ridiculously long time since I blogged, so much has gone on and its just been a heavy roller coaster on my end.
Happy new year to all, started 2012 with a blast, shared it back home with my loved ones and enjoyed every bit of it. Couldn’t help to think how last year’s NYE was and where my life was at during that time. No regrets though, it was a phase that I learned from, I had a lot of fun and I was extremely happy. This time round, I tried to be less selfish and found that it came back to my favor and again I find myself in a very good, calm and happy place.
What does it take for someone to be happy though? What ingredients must one mix to make that super tasty result that makes unconsciously close your eyes and smile with pleasure while tasting it?
I’ve thought a lot about it and tried mixing different ingredients myself, but I don’t know if I have reached that stage yet. Being the stubborn person I am, I would have probably brushed it away and tried to ignore it.
This year, I hope to take a different turn, giving IT a chance. IT being true happiness, IT being that super tasty result that makes me happy from inside.
As I write this, I can’t help but think of my baby cousin/best friend/sister who’s about to tie the knot with her fiancé in two weeks time. Is she feeling that super tasty result? She may, she may not, only she knows and all I can do is watch from a far and pray and hope that it is as sweet as I can only imagine it to be.
So, as I end my first blog entry of 2012, there is no better person to dedicate it to other than our lovely bride to be, mamacita. Wishing you all the love and happiness in the world, and especially that super tasty feeling.
Happy new year to all, started 2012 with a blast, shared it back home with my loved ones and enjoyed every bit of it. Couldn’t help to think how last year’s NYE was and where my life was at during that time. No regrets though, it was a phase that I learned from, I had a lot of fun and I was extremely happy. This time round, I tried to be less selfish and found that it came back to my favor and again I find myself in a very good, calm and happy place.
What does it take for someone to be happy though? What ingredients must one mix to make that super tasty result that makes unconsciously close your eyes and smile with pleasure while tasting it?
I’ve thought a lot about it and tried mixing different ingredients myself, but I don’t know if I have reached that stage yet. Being the stubborn person I am, I would have probably brushed it away and tried to ignore it.
This year, I hope to take a different turn, giving IT a chance. IT being true happiness, IT being that super tasty result that makes me happy from inside.
As I write this, I can’t help but think of my baby cousin/best friend/sister who’s about to tie the knot with her fiancé in two weeks time. Is she feeling that super tasty result? She may, she may not, only she knows and all I can do is watch from a far and pray and hope that it is as sweet as I can only imagine it to be.
So, as I end my first blog entry of 2012, there is no better person to dedicate it to other than our lovely bride to be, mamacita. Wishing you all the love and happiness in the world, and especially that super tasty feeling.
Monday, October 24, 2011
In the Zone
Sometimes it takes years for a person to know why they are studying a certain major, or working a particular field. One may sit there questioning what got them to that place and if it was the right path. I think I am blessed to have been granted all doors to a variety of paths and left to choose which I want to take and work on where it will lead me.
It’s coming close to two months since I got to Wales, to be honest not much classwork or studying is done, pretty much it is all up to me and how I run my show. Taking me a while to adjust to that, but I am getting there. “You decide what you do with your time, only you decide if you want to read, write, discuss, think, anything. There is no right or wrong. There is no do or don’t. At this stage of your life it is up to you to manoeuvre your career.” Says my lecturer whom I have grown to have a lot of respect and admiration to.
My first of 4 work placements this year was at Careers Wales, small office, close knit team, family like atmosphere and the most hardworking bunch of individuals I have ever come across. They welcomed me, asked me a lot about myself, my past, my plans and really embraced my interest in their field of work. I was thrown in the deep end but never alone, someone always held my hand and made sure to not let go until I confirmed I could tread water. A week that opened my eyes to the world of career guidance and counseling, allowing me to implement first-hand the core elements (Listening, observing, discussing, deciding and finally advising) of advising and dealing with adults made redundant, people with disabilities, college students and my core group of study, adolescents.
Never in my life have I had to deal with children who have been raped, or adults who have sever progressing diseases. I had to shake myself up a couple of times to get myself back on track and not let my emotions take me astray. Made me more determined to take on all that I can from this experience and bring it home. God knows how many people need help, support and guidance. There’s so much out there, just not exposed to the right people in the right way. Big plans for when I get home, but that’s for another blog, not this.
I guess this time; the dedication goes out to every single member of Careers Wales, Pontypridd office for all their hard work and commitment to what they do. It takes a lot to wake up every morning and know you are about to meet someone who literally says “I don’t know what to do with my life” and you take responsibility in helping them shape that up again. I salute you all, thank you for allowing me to part of your team and showing me how humanitarians work.
It’s coming close to two months since I got to Wales, to be honest not much classwork or studying is done, pretty much it is all up to me and how I run my show. Taking me a while to adjust to that, but I am getting there. “You decide what you do with your time, only you decide if you want to read, write, discuss, think, anything. There is no right or wrong. There is no do or don’t. At this stage of your life it is up to you to manoeuvre your career.” Says my lecturer whom I have grown to have a lot of respect and admiration to.
My first of 4 work placements this year was at Careers Wales, small office, close knit team, family like atmosphere and the most hardworking bunch of individuals I have ever come across. They welcomed me, asked me a lot about myself, my past, my plans and really embraced my interest in their field of work. I was thrown in the deep end but never alone, someone always held my hand and made sure to not let go until I confirmed I could tread water. A week that opened my eyes to the world of career guidance and counseling, allowing me to implement first-hand the core elements (Listening, observing, discussing, deciding and finally advising) of advising and dealing with adults made redundant, people with disabilities, college students and my core group of study, adolescents.
Never in my life have I had to deal with children who have been raped, or adults who have sever progressing diseases. I had to shake myself up a couple of times to get myself back on track and not let my emotions take me astray. Made me more determined to take on all that I can from this experience and bring it home. God knows how many people need help, support and guidance. There’s so much out there, just not exposed to the right people in the right way. Big plans for when I get home, but that’s for another blog, not this.
I guess this time; the dedication goes out to every single member of Careers Wales, Pontypridd office for all their hard work and commitment to what they do. It takes a lot to wake up every morning and know you are about to meet someone who literally says “I don’t know what to do with my life” and you take responsibility in helping them shape that up again. I salute you all, thank you for allowing me to part of your team and showing me how humanitarians work.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The Wales are keeping me alive!
I always had difficulty leaving home, especially the first few days or so. There are always doubt in my mind and questions that I feel I will never get answers to. Why am I here? Did I have to leave? What if something bad happens at home and I am not there? Why me? It’s typical and only normal to be that way I suppose. As soon as I’d settle, all would be well and I would end up laughing at the nonsense I went through at the start. THIS TIME round…..boy oh boy was it different and I type this with a huge smile on my face :-) …..Let me share why (oh, feel free to smile with me)…
Probably the saddest feeling in the world is to be at home and feel like you do not belong. You have everything you could possibly need right at your finger trips, a good job, the greatest family, the sweetest friends yet it just didn’t feel right and I was extremely miserable inside. Was it because I was used to being abroad for 6 years that I felt that perhaps my freedom was somewhere else? Was it due to limited opportunity options in my own country? I am not too sure, whatever it is, it was making me very unhappy and I felt I needed to get away. Luckily, it fell along the lines of my career development and I just grabbed the chance I got and ran with it, ran like I saw heaven right in front of me, aimed at it with a smile and took off…:-)
Landed and straight away felt like home (ironic as this is where I was born). My darling mother was with me the first week and seeing how happy I was and how comfortable I felt scared her as she was not used to me being this way whenever I left home. Reassuring her didn’t work; a mother will always worry and not be at ease when things aren’t “normal”. “I feel you are being sarcastic” she told me several times whenever she asked how I feel and I’d reply with “mama, I feel amazing, I feel great, I am so happy”.
Nevertheless, she had to go back home and I officially started my new life, tricky as I am surrounded by the “younger” generation. Lucky for me I look like I am 19 so I blend in pretty well. Partied like a mad person at the beginning, but stopped when seriousness started and my mission for being here commenced. It feels like a brand new fresh start, my happiness comes from deep within and I believe no matter how I express it, nobody will actually know.
I am happy, VERY happy…:-)
This entry is dedicated to Wales, for giving me a chance at pursing my career, opening opportunity doors and most importantly bringing me back to life again.
Probably the saddest feeling in the world is to be at home and feel like you do not belong. You have everything you could possibly need right at your finger trips, a good job, the greatest family, the sweetest friends yet it just didn’t feel right and I was extremely miserable inside. Was it because I was used to being abroad for 6 years that I felt that perhaps my freedom was somewhere else? Was it due to limited opportunity options in my own country? I am not too sure, whatever it is, it was making me very unhappy and I felt I needed to get away. Luckily, it fell along the lines of my career development and I just grabbed the chance I got and ran with it, ran like I saw heaven right in front of me, aimed at it with a smile and took off…:-)
Landed and straight away felt like home (ironic as this is where I was born). My darling mother was with me the first week and seeing how happy I was and how comfortable I felt scared her as she was not used to me being this way whenever I left home. Reassuring her didn’t work; a mother will always worry and not be at ease when things aren’t “normal”. “I feel you are being sarcastic” she told me several times whenever she asked how I feel and I’d reply with “mama, I feel amazing, I feel great, I am so happy”.
Nevertheless, she had to go back home and I officially started my new life, tricky as I am surrounded by the “younger” generation. Lucky for me I look like I am 19 so I blend in pretty well. Partied like a mad person at the beginning, but stopped when seriousness started and my mission for being here commenced. It feels like a brand new fresh start, my happiness comes from deep within and I believe no matter how I express it, nobody will actually know.
I am happy, VERY happy…:-)
This entry is dedicated to Wales, for giving me a chance at pursing my career, opening opportunity doors and most importantly bringing me back to life again.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The beginning of the rest of my life
Yes, the time has come. It’s been a while since I updated, been caught up with a lot and although at many times I had the urge to write, it just never happened and I was out of “the zone”.
Going abroad was always a piece of cake to me, however the transition wasn’t and the travel was even worse. Prepping to leave the country is a hassle, I tend to stress, panic, get worked up over nothing and above all throw the worst tantrums and have the most annoying mood swings you can imagine. In short, NO you do NOT want to be around me when I am preparing for a travel.
Nevertheless, this time round, the trip is different. I feel much more ready to face what’s ahead. I’ve got the right mind-set I suppose and at the same time I am extremely excited to start the journey and just get deep, dirty and grimy. The stakes are a lot higher now therefore my socks have to be pulled REAL up!!
I’ve pictured Cardiff to be many things in my mind, but I’d rather to put them down yet. The suspense is amusing and it makes me more eager to get there and actually experience it first hand before I update again.
Yes I am nervous and my heart is pounding, but I have faith, I have belief, I have courage and most importantly determination.
I dedicate this entry to the ones who have encouraged and supported me the most, the ones who constantly called and visited to check if I needed anything, the adorable ones who came home to help me back, the sweethearts who gave me a piece of them to take with me and the ones who will have me in their prayers and thoughts throughout my time away. I bid you farewell, until…… ;-)
Going abroad was always a piece of cake to me, however the transition wasn’t and the travel was even worse. Prepping to leave the country is a hassle, I tend to stress, panic, get worked up over nothing and above all throw the worst tantrums and have the most annoying mood swings you can imagine. In short, NO you do NOT want to be around me when I am preparing for a travel.
Nevertheless, this time round, the trip is different. I feel much more ready to face what’s ahead. I’ve got the right mind-set I suppose and at the same time I am extremely excited to start the journey and just get deep, dirty and grimy. The stakes are a lot higher now therefore my socks have to be pulled REAL up!!
I’ve pictured Cardiff to be many things in my mind, but I’d rather to put them down yet. The suspense is amusing and it makes me more eager to get there and actually experience it first hand before I update again.
Yes I am nervous and my heart is pounding, but I have faith, I have belief, I have courage and most importantly determination.
I dedicate this entry to the ones who have encouraged and supported me the most, the ones who constantly called and visited to check if I needed anything, the adorable ones who came home to help me back, the sweethearts who gave me a piece of them to take with me and the ones who will have me in their prayers and thoughts throughout my time away. I bid you farewell, until…… ;-)
The Red GAP
So, seeing as we were never close, what in the world gave u the right to enter my life the way you did?
Just like that, out of nowhere, your kind soul finds itself shielding me.
Falling down from “heaven” or should I said “a holiday”, you just placed your heart over mine and claimed it your own.
Maybe it is, Maybe it isn’t, time will tell. For now, I’ll just enjoy the red GAP, I am smiling at it right now and I will continue smiling at it every time I miss you.
To you my “shinning golden shooting star”, I dedicate this blog entry.
Just like that, out of nowhere, your kind soul finds itself shielding me.
Falling down from “heaven” or should I said “a holiday”, you just placed your heart over mine and claimed it your own.
Maybe it is, Maybe it isn’t, time will tell. For now, I’ll just enjoy the red GAP, I am smiling at it right now and I will continue smiling at it every time I miss you.
To you my “shinning golden shooting star”, I dedicate this blog entry.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Death at a Funeral
It didn’t hit me 2 months ago when I was told she was suddenly ill and was admitted in hospital, it sorta pinched me when I was told she was sent to India for treatment and came back half her size, it started hitting me when I was told it was cancer, it played around in my head when I was told she’s in ICU and nobody can see her, it tore my heart to visit her in hospital and only see her through the glass window where she waved and smiled at me, it finally took its toll on me two days after that when I was told she rested in peace.
Got the call that totally woke me up, it was 9 am, by 9:30 I had gotten in my car and was driving to the funeral house. My heart was pounding, but I was able to compose myself. Still in shock and disbelief at how everything happened so quickly. I reached there and many people had arrived already. Tears were flowing and for the next couple of hours, sadness and sorrow took over the family. Indeed, it was touching and very heart breaking for me to look into her daughters eyes. There was so much I felt I needed to say, but no words could come out. The stronger I held her, the more she cried, so I slowly let go and watched her ease back.
As I got myself comfortable in a corner, I locked my eyes on the ground and allowed my ears to suck in as much of the surrounding sounds as possible and then I looked around…….and observed.
The people:
1. The one who wails and screams and throws herself on the ground…….half an hour later, she’s chatting and giggling.
2. The one who greets you by saying “oh hey…its been a while!! You’re so beautiful”
3. The one just sits there and just stares at everyone, not even giving condolences.
4. The one who asks “so where’s the food?”
5. The one who does not say a word, but sits alone in the room upstairs, away from everyone and just prays.
The rooms:
1. The main hall where everyone gathers, if not in time of prayers, it is full of whispers, and small talks here and there. In a corner, immediate family members are seated together so it is easier for visitors to approach them.
2. The little rooms close to the main hall for the elderly people to have a more comfortable place to stay at, usually having their own conversations which are either of other deaths or people who are not well.
3. The kitchen where all the madness happens! The loudest of all! That is where the person’s life is truly celebrated. It is where the women are remembering the “good old days” in the midst of preparing the feast. They are just so busy and so occupied with what they are doing so joyfully that they block any sound coming from the main hall.
4. The room upstairs. For the most sad, the most in pain, the most torn and the most broken. The quietest of all rooms, you can almost hear a pin drop. You avoid talking in there. It is a time for reflection, a time to thank god for the blessings he had given you and to accept what has happened, pray and move on.
My cousin was a very strong woman with a personality bigger than the world, a total sweetheart, someone who always brought the family together during our good and bad times. Single handedly raised her two children, adopted another two and always catered to her nieces and nephews like they were her own.
Yes cousin A, this blog is dedicated to you, I love you and I will forever miss you. Thank you for always admiring my career, thank you for constantly telling me how much my mother loves me, thank you for always teaching me that family comes first, thank you for making fun of my single life and forever trying to get me married to “this pilot” and “that doctor” and “this nice Swahili boy”, good times, really good times. May your beautiful and clean soul rest in peace. Amen.
Got the call that totally woke me up, it was 9 am, by 9:30 I had gotten in my car and was driving to the funeral house. My heart was pounding, but I was able to compose myself. Still in shock and disbelief at how everything happened so quickly. I reached there and many people had arrived already. Tears were flowing and for the next couple of hours, sadness and sorrow took over the family. Indeed, it was touching and very heart breaking for me to look into her daughters eyes. There was so much I felt I needed to say, but no words could come out. The stronger I held her, the more she cried, so I slowly let go and watched her ease back.
As I got myself comfortable in a corner, I locked my eyes on the ground and allowed my ears to suck in as much of the surrounding sounds as possible and then I looked around…….and observed.
The people:
1. The one who wails and screams and throws herself on the ground…….half an hour later, she’s chatting and giggling.
2. The one who greets you by saying “oh hey…its been a while!! You’re so beautiful”
3. The one just sits there and just stares at everyone, not even giving condolences.
4. The one who asks “so where’s the food?”
5. The one who does not say a word, but sits alone in the room upstairs, away from everyone and just prays.
The rooms:
1. The main hall where everyone gathers, if not in time of prayers, it is full of whispers, and small talks here and there. In a corner, immediate family members are seated together so it is easier for visitors to approach them.
2. The little rooms close to the main hall for the elderly people to have a more comfortable place to stay at, usually having their own conversations which are either of other deaths or people who are not well.
3. The kitchen where all the madness happens! The loudest of all! That is where the person’s life is truly celebrated. It is where the women are remembering the “good old days” in the midst of preparing the feast. They are just so busy and so occupied with what they are doing so joyfully that they block any sound coming from the main hall.
4. The room upstairs. For the most sad, the most in pain, the most torn and the most broken. The quietest of all rooms, you can almost hear a pin drop. You avoid talking in there. It is a time for reflection, a time to thank god for the blessings he had given you and to accept what has happened, pray and move on.
My cousin was a very strong woman with a personality bigger than the world, a total sweetheart, someone who always brought the family together during our good and bad times. Single handedly raised her two children, adopted another two and always catered to her nieces and nephews like they were her own.
Yes cousin A, this blog is dedicated to you, I love you and I will forever miss you. Thank you for always admiring my career, thank you for constantly telling me how much my mother loves me, thank you for always teaching me that family comes first, thank you for making fun of my single life and forever trying to get me married to “this pilot” and “that doctor” and “this nice Swahili boy”, good times, really good times. May your beautiful and clean soul rest in peace. Amen.
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